I don’t think that the thicker painting works well for this subject. I really don’t like the deep brush strokes throughout the painting, it disrupts the smooth contours of the paper creating a texture that makes the whole painting look flat. Although I think painting thick at the beginning will work well for many other paintings, such as landscape or floral still life.
I’m not entirely happy with this composition also. I drew the paper so it touches both the top and bottom edges of the board. This wasn’t entirely intentional and it shows. Next time I’m going to keep the drawing well away from the edges even if I have to re-draw it several times.