4127: Bynum Wedding Portrait Day 15

For today’s painting, I’m still working on the commission, but I’ve made a lot of progress on it in the past two days. I’ve really kicked things in gear which I’ll talk about next and I think it’s looking absolutely amazing and I hope to finish it this week. I’m gonna try as hard as I can to keep my momentum going and to show up no matter what

On days when I have things to talk about with the painting that I’m working on at the moment and I also have some kind of personal reflection. I think I’m going to start separating those in my blog post. Because some of the things I’m sharing are personal and I want to separate them from the artwork or something because sometimes it doesn’t really connect with the art that I’m doing .

Personal stuff
So I’ve been listening to a lot of podcasts and videos of David Goggins, who is an individual that is constantly angry and cursing. Maybe he’s not angry. Maybe he’s super passionate but the only way that he feels he can get this stuff out is to express it in a way where people get offended. He’s raw and authentic to himself.

But there is one thing that he was talking about recently that I empathize with tremendously and it’s the fact that things do not stick in my brain. I feel like an idiot. I feel stupid. I feel like I’m a moron because I have to learn things and relearn it and then relearn it and then relearn it.

Example, I remembered that I need to pace myself on a certain workout or else I’ll lose a whole day with a huge migraine and sickness afterwards, but I only remembered it after doing the same damn thing and losing a whole day.

Example, books, almost all of the books that I’ve read, especially the personal development books, I’ve completely forgotten all about what was in it and what you learned from it and I have no clue what was in it.

When David Goggins expressed the same issue and what he did to overcome it, I realized that I had to do the same thing. I realized that what I need to do is embrace the suck and do it over and over and over again regardless. To push myself into repetition and to relearn and relearn again and again. that’s constant repetition and constant reminder that there is no point in my future. Well this will change.

There’s no point that I will be exonerated. It’s a fact of life that this is how I learn and this is what I need to do. Also for my art, my inability to retain information happens there as well. I’ve realized that most of the time unless I am extremely motivated I don’t feel like painting. I don’t feel like doing this shit. I’ll look for excuses to get away from it, or do the minimum 30 minutes. What I need to do is put some hard work in, and when that little voice in my head says you’ve earned it you can stop, maybe not today, just take a break, when that little voice says this,that’s when I punch it in the face and do it anyway.

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