4126: Bynum Wedding Portrait Day 14

I worked on the wedding commission today but forgot to take pictures. I always do these posts on Saturdays so I can’t go back. I just added in the photos that I took for tomorrow’s session. You can see the difference from yesterday’s session in the mountains because that is what I finished today. Tomorrow is when I started work on the bride and groom.

Personal Stuff
I really don’t know what I wanna say today. Not because I don’t have anything to say, it’s because I have so much to say and I’m afraid of what people will think when they read it.

I feel like my heart is always on my shoulder and what feels true to me, is to speak what I feel, regardless of how it may be received. Most of the time when I say things I don’t choose the right words and it offends people. I feel like it’s in my heart, but I just lack the intelligence to be able to tell someone what I’m feeling in a motivational way rather than a derogatory way or a negative Way.

So I’m gonna try and speak my truth right now and it may piss you off or it may frustrate you or it may make you feel bad just know that’s not my intention.

I’m lazy, I’m a coward. I’m not smart. I make up shit to make it seem like I’m better than I am.
But I also have the power, the money, the time, the space for everything to achieve greatness in life. So why the fuck am I not doing it?

The past week has been extremely unproductive. My excuse has been motivation. I’m just not motivated, but I caused the demotivation. My laziness got the better of me. My stupidity got the better of me. My fear got the better of me. It comes down to one simple thing: I didn’t do the things that suck. I got comfortable. I got lazy. I know exactly what I need to do to achieve everything. I need to achieve in my life and be the best person I can be but I’m not doing them. Instead of embracing the suck I’m running from it instead of looking at the difficult thing in front of me and saying I got this. I went and played video games instead.

When the going was tough, I ran away.

Today I made a list of everything that I need to do on a daily or weekly basis. The habits that will forge my path to greatness.

And it all sucks.

This shit ain’t easy. Every single thing, I have to push myself to do. It doesn’t have an easy mode to it. I can’t find some trick or some hack to give me the results. I have to just do it. I have to embrace the suck and keep reminding myself that yes this sucks. Yes, it doesn’t feel good but doing this is the best thing I can do for myself

Through this, I can build perseverance through this. I can build a tough mind through this. I can build someone that meets adversity head on and achieve something.

But that’s all bullshit. It’s all talk. These are just words on a page. It’s easy to say. It’s easy to write it. It just takes a second to say that you’re going to achieve your dreams, but I know this is going to take years of hard work and effort. Day after mother fucking day!

So I need to get off here and get to it.

Session Details